Behind the Lines: Shiloh Walker on Beg Me

Behind the Lines is a new feature in which I ask authors to talk about specific scenes or aspects of their work. It’s a kind of peek behind the curtain. I’m personally interested in writers’ processes, and I am also keen to reveal the craft and artistry that goes into genre writing. As per usual, I have no set schedule in mind for Behind the Lines posts, but they will usually follow a review of the book in question. So, the first one is by Shiloh Walker, talking about Beg Me.

So we’re looking behind the scenes, so to speak.  The book is BEG ME and I should probably point out that isn’t a book for everybody.  It’s…um…well, for one, it’s kinkier than hell, but it also deals with some very rough, raw material and it’s also pretty sensitive material.  For some background info…the blurb…
 
   

Beg me…there had been a time when those words made her burn with desire. But now, there was only fear.

Once, Tania Sinclair’s life was almost perfect…oh, it had its ups and downs but she was happily married to a guy that adored her, one who had no problem indulging every kinky fantasy she ever had. But a couple of tragedies later, she’s barely holding it together. A car accident took away her husband, and an attack from somebody she should have been able to trust has shaken not only her confidence, but it’s also stripped away her fantasies and even made it painful to look back on her memories of her husband without fear.

Two years after her attack, Tania is determined to take her life back and the first step is taking back herself…her fantasies, her dreams, her memories. There’s only one person she can trust to do it, too. One person she wants enough…Drake Bennett, her husband’s best friend.

Falling for your best friend’s wife—never smart. Drake’s watched Tania quietly for years, watched her…wanted her, knowing he’d never have her. First, she was taken. And then, that night two years ago—a night that still scars her, a night that’s left bruises on her that still haven’t healed. He does what he can, though, because he loves her too much not to. He’s her friend, there when she needs him.

And now she needs him. She’s asked him for a favor…one that just about blows his mind…

Warning: This book involves light bondage play, rape fantasy & role-playing. The acts between the hero & heroine are consensual, but they may not be ideal for all readers…

Easy to see it’s not going to appeal to all readers, not necessarily an easy read, period.

And there were definitely some scenes that were harder to write, but in the end, these two characters were already so vivid inside my head, once I got in their heads…telling their story wasn’t that hard.  It wasn’t enough, though, to just tell Tania’s side.  It wasn’t enough to just write how she was trying to heal, and that she wanted her life back, and her fantasies back.  Because not just any guy would have been able to help her find this. 
 
 

“Can you make it so I can’t remember?”
His throat went tight. He could barely manage to breathe. Slipping out of his booth, he moved to sit next to her. She leaned against him with a sigh. “No, baby. I can’t. I would if I could, though. I’d take it all away if I could.”
She sniffled. Then she sighed and reached down, touching his inner forearm, tracing a fingernail over the skin there, along the lines of his tattoo. The stylized S. “You would, wouldn’t you, Superman?”
“Yeah.” He kissed her brow. “I’d undo the past three years for you if I could figure out a way.”
“How about you just keep holding me for a little while instead?”
“Yeah.” He breathed in the scent of her hair, felt the crack in his heart widen. “I can do that.”

Yeah, the story is kinky, but it’s also a romance, and Drake’s the heart of it—getting inside his head was basically what I needed to get this story told.  He’s loved her for years.  Everything that has hurt her over the past few years has torn at him—he’d undo every pain for her.

This scene was actually written after I’d finished the book and I’d decided to add a little more, because I wanted readers to know Drake better.  I mean I know that the guy looks at her and feels his heart just about stop because of what he feels—and yeah, there is some serious physical desire there, too, but he loves her, so much—I wanted to make sure, going in, that the reader understood that.

There are all sorts of ways a story can bother me, and there are so many little things that a writer could have done to keep it from bothering me.

If the hero is being an idiot…tell me why.  (Or heroine)

If the hero does something knowing it would hurt the heroine…explain it—take me inside his head.  (Or hers.)

Is one of them being domineering?  Hey, I can handle that—people get domineering in real life all the time and it doesn’t mean they are evil—but make sure the reader knows the reasoning.

There aren’t really any moments in the story where Drake is an idiot.  But there are a couple of scenes of conflicts and for both of them, everything on

Drake’s side rose from how much he loves Tania, has always loved her, and after I finished the story, I realized that I hadn’t explained that early enough.  Even though I knew, and even though he knew…we needed to make sure the reader knew.  After all… *G* “Because I said so” only works with the kids, right?

And here are two follow up questions for Shiloh:

1. If I read it right, Drake loved Tania while her husband was alive. It can be difficult to make a hero who loves a married heroine sympathetic. How did you manage to walk that line?

Yes…he’d fallen in love with Tania years before her husband’s death–he just never let either of them know.  I don’t think it’s so hard to walk that line, unless you have the hero crossing that line.  Drake was an honorable guy-he wasn’t going to trespass, and he’d been friends with the guy for too long-he wasn’t going to walk away from the friendship either.  It’s when the hero starts resenting the guy who has the girl, so to speak, or sits there brooding all those years…Drake accepted how things were.  He didn’t like it, but he lived with it and he never let it interfere with his relationship with either of them.  They mattered too much.
2. Is there a difference between the fantasies Drake had anyway, as a man, and the lengths to which Tania asks him to go?

As you mentioned in your review, Drake’s already into what Tania likes…and right now, what she needs.  Up until a certain point in the story, there wasn’t much difference between his own desires and what she wants from him.  Drake wouldn’t go any further than she could handle and he was so careful to keep it that way.

But there does come a point when she actually pushes him past his point.  So yes…although a lot of it plays into what had happened to her.  If they’d come into their relationship with no baggage, no history, I don’t think those boundaries, those lines would have been such a hard thing for him.  Because those things are there, though, and because he loves her so much, it makes all the difference.

Thank you, Shiloh!

Related posts:

1. Review: Beg Me, by Shiloh Walker
2. Review: Veil of Shadows, by Shiloh Walker
3. Three Susan Napier Harlequin Presents: Win, Pass, Fail
4. Your Favorite Author and Her Favorite Songs