So, you’re an American woman of Indian and Scottish descent. You’re “the decade’s greatest metal artist” (?!), and you’ve just inherited an island — “Dun Isle” — in Scotland’s Outer Hebrides.
What do you do?
If you’re the heroine of this short story, within the span of two paragraphs, you find yourself attempting to light a fire on “a deserted bit of rock” in the middle of a rainstorm while arguing with an angry kilt wearing dragon over which one of you actually owns the “isle”.
I’m kidding.
He wasn’t actually in dragon form when they argued. The hero, Robert Dunyveg, antisocial and happy to have lived in his castle, completely alone, for centuries, has two modes: “slightly angry”, signaled by throwing his kilt over his shoulder, and “very angry”, signaled by throwing the heroine over his shoulder. Dragon-mode, only for advanced players, is best left to your imagination, save for this cryptic line: “even dragons had needs.” The only productive non-sexual action Robert takes in the course of the story is to pick up trash on the shoreline while muttering curses at “tourists and their water bottles, plastic bags, and whatnot.” The 21st century has clearly not been kind to dragon men on remote Scottish islands.
It turns out that our heroine, Ellen Kildonan, has some “otherworldy” blood herself, and sex with the dragon man brings it out, by which I mean specifically that it (a) makes her “vulva water like a leaky faucet”, and (b) causes flames to leap free of the hearth and swarm around “like pissed off fireflies”. It is hard for Ellen to accept these magical truths, because “Truth be told, unless she had a sketch and her welding rod in her hand, her imagination sucked.” Taking another kind of rod in hand helps immeasurably as the story progresses.
Probably the most interesting thing about this story, to me, was the metaphysics. For example, why does Robert have the weight advantage of a dragon even when in man shape? And he has a unique take on mind body dualism: “the truth of what could share the same space with a conscious mind and yet remain hidden would drive a sane person insane.”
I downloaded this Spice Brief last night when I realized that today is the day I am supposed to post my review of a fantasy for Avid Book Reader’s TBR Challenge. I haven’t had much luck with fantasy themed Spice Briefs. I think it’s hard to create a fantasy setting and have the requisite amount of sex in such a short space and not have it all sound kind of silly (the sex in this one was pretty tame and euphemistic compared to others I have read). Although not required by the submission guidelines, the Spice Briefs I have read try to invest the relationships with, if not an HEA, a pretty deep emotional connection. That just seems to me to be a tall order for a short read.
Still, there was a kind of straightforwardness and ambition in the author’s voice that I liked, and I think I may enjoy reading one of her longer works.
Should you be curious about other, er, spicy tales of weredragons (I enjoyed writing that phrase), Ravenous Romance recently offered a free short story along those lines. Larkspur by Anny Cook. All the flaws you name, and then some.
I have geeky writer thoughts on this. I haven’t read the story so can’t comment on it directly.
It’s very difficult to try and mix three genres (fantasy, erotica, and romance) into one short story. Two is a lot easier, especially if one is primarily setting-based (sf, fantasy) and the other primarily plot-based (romance, mystery, erotica), because then each genre serves different a functional structural purpose.
I wrote a number of speculative erotica stories before I started selling novels, and especially for a really short story (under 5K words) it helps a lot if the spec element is already familiar in type if not in specifics (space opera, Medieval World). You can still be original within those bounds, through characterization, the details you choose, and prose style.
This is entirely IMHO, but I think it’s a lot easier to write spec romance/erotica if you read a lot of sf/f and are familiar with the way those genres are built.
*mops hot chocolate off desk*
Were those actual quotes?
@RfP: Not sure I especially like dragon tales but will check that one out if I am ever so inclined in the future. Thank you!
@Victoria Janssen: Thanks for giving your writerly perspective on that, Victoria.
@FD: *Sigh* Yes. I don’t have the imagination to make that shit up.
The leaky vulva is just an image I did not need in my head. Must now bleach my brain.
The metaphysics of shifters fascinates me. It seldom seems to be addressed (at least in the books I’ve read). Briggs mentions it in her books, as Mercy wonders about the nature of magic and her shift to a 30 lb coyote and a man’s shift to a 250 lb werewolf. But it most often is dismissed as an effect of magic that no one really understands or can explain.
Oh, THAT’s where the “leaky vulva” reference came from (hur hur). I saw that on Twitter today and wondered.
For a good solution to the (meta)physics of shifters, I recommend Terry Pratchett’s take: his vampires, for example, can change into bats, but, since the body mass of a human is much larger than that of bats, they change into a whole swarm (? flock?) of bats — and then they have trouble keeping their mind together. Literally.
I was this close to buying a Terry Pratchett the other day, I must do it soon.
Jessica, *sigh* must you venture into an unfamiliar genre with just any old story. I know you’re just trying to meet the parameters of a challenge (although if you just downloaded it, doesn’t sound like you’re cleaning off your bed side table or anything.)
Read Sunshine by Robin McKinley (although I know you’ve done vampires) read Archangel by Sharon Shinn or read Hob’s Bargain by Patricia Briggs. Really have some respect.
Doesn’t sound like my cup of tea but thanks for the laughs!
Leaky vulva. Hmm. I don’t foresee that becoming a standard trope in the romance industry.
Jessica, I enjoy reading your thoughtful, constructive reviews but I ADORE it when you let a little of that inner snark out. I snickered through this whole post.
I wonder if the right sized washer would help with that leak problem. I hate plumbing leaks, don’t you?
drip….. drip…… drip………