And thank you, everyone, for giving me so much to wince over. Really.

More books to unload, and more contests coming up.

I recently went back and read my Ivory reviews when Janine and Janet’s dual review of BLACK SILK came out. I like the stuff I write so I’ve always thought the my review was a very fine piece, and then compare it to the depth, insight–or even length–of the DA reviews, and suddenly it no longer seems half so ravishing!

Have you ever read Mrs. Giggles’s review of BEAST btw? She had a much more nuanced reading of it than I did.

http://www.likesbooks.com/ppp2000b.html#5

An excerpt here:

And the language, good God. Why was it never simply and straightforwardly “his hard penis entered her wet vagina” but always “his throbbingly turgid masculine sword slid into her lushly flooded feminine sheath” or “his engorged, swollen shaft of desire cleaved into her wantonly inundated love canal?”

Maya had to scratch her head at first in an effort to decipher this complex code that seemed part and parcel of the books, but soon she became fluent in their secret terminology. It was a language for only the sisterhood of the initiated. And two months into her lone sojourn far from civilization, she had become more than an initiate. She was, to put it bluntly, hooked. Ah, the rippling muscles, the heaving breasts, the hot cylinders of male arousal, the dewy petals of female flowers. She could not get enough of the fervid embraces, the roaring spats, the shrill “sszzzz” of silks, and satins, and linens torn asunder by large arrogant hands and the “tump tump” of buttons splattered everywhere in the wake of every mass destruction of historical undergarments.

Edited to add: when I said I’d already done this, I meant I’d already taken the most overused phrases of Old Skool romances and made a story out of them.

The Romance Writers’ Phrase Book is “of its time” and was compiled without irony.

Twenty-six years after it was first published, it makes me laugh, not least because the phrases it contains remind me of the very first romance novels I read way back when.

I’m enjoying everyone’s purple prose and I’ll be sure to check back to see who wins the contest.

WIN!

The heavy lashes that shadowed her cheeks flew up and her thoughts scampered vaguely around as her eyes froze on his lips. Suddenly an inexplicable look of withdrawal came over his face. Grant saw Susan’s eyes fill with concern and he forced himself to stop thinking about Brad. He had to stop being preoccupied with Brad’s blonde hair and long slim legs (oh, his long slim legs!!) and do his duty to his title. A cold congested expression settled on his face at the thought of laying with Susan. Oh Brad! If only they could be together!!

Janine, I think yours is nice. I feel sorry for that girl now.