Yes, I am going there. Mainly as an excuse to post one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies. This is Hedwig, from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, playing the 9th stage at the “Menses Fair” (click here if the video isn’t working for you)
The effect of our monthly cycles has been greatly exaggerated, often to our disadvantage. To take just one recent example, conservative radio talk show host (any sentence that starts that way ends in idiocy, doesn’t it? Let’s see:) G. Gordon Liddy wondered on air last week whether Supreme Court nominee Judge Sonia Sotomayor’s judgment will be affected by her periods.
Yet, there’s no denying statistically significant correlations for many women between, for example, increased libido and ovulation, or mood changes and premenstruation. Just a few weeks ago, we had the news that women’s shopping habits are affected by their periods (women apparently shop more when we are premenstrual, to deal with negative emotions).
Of course, the effects of menstrual cycles intersect with a number of other factors. For example, one study found that women’s stress levels were impacted more by day of week than by menstrual cycle (Work days are more stressful. Really??!!). And, I can’t help but add, men have hormonal cycles too.
All those feminist caveats aside, I find it interesting that menstruation is so rarely referenced in romance (a point with which author Kalen Hughes agrees — see comments). I can’t recall any direct references to menstruation that are unrelated to babymaking. Are there contemporary heroines who deal with PMS, or just need to rest for an afternoon due to cramps or migraine? Are the activities of the erotica characters ever delayed or curtailed due to menses? (On that last point, I have to warn you against Googling “menstruation” with safe search off. Apparently there is such a thing as menstruation pornography.)
I guess one way to look at the lack of menstruation in romance is that if romance is escape, as everyone keeps telling us it is in this recession, one thing most women want to escape from is periods (if the rise in popularity of endometrial ablation and products like Seasonique are any indication). Another possibility is that writers and readers alike are silenced by menstruation taboos in North American culture. A third is the feminist interpretation: romance writers and readers refused to be defined by their mentrual cycles. Periods are as relevant to heroines’ characters and actions as having allergies. If it works for the story (i.e. the pregnancy plot point) use it, if not don’t. Just like any other bodily condition.
When it comes to readers, little is said of menstruation. I have seen readers chide romance for everything from unrealistic simultaneous orgasms to the tiny body dimensions of typical heroine. I have seen genitalia, bodily fluids, childbirth, and every kind of sexual situation imaginable discussed at length. But I cannot recall a discussion, or even a mention for that matter, of menstruation among readers.
Not being a writer, I can’t write that book about the heroine with PMS and the hero who rubs her temples like no one else can. But in a bold effort to remedy that lack of discussion among readers, I reveal to you what my reading schedule would look like if it were dictated solely by my menstrual cycle:
1. Ovulation: Erotic romance. Duh.
2. Premenstrual:
Type a. Well-exercised, nutriated, and/or medicated: safe to choose any subgenre.
Type b. Sloth, Doritoes, and red wine by the gallon: I need crazy emotional highs and lows. Only paranormal will do.
3. Menstruating:
a. Day one: Are you kidding? I am asleep.
b. Rest of days: Something easy and predictable, like a category. Or a comfort reread. Reading erotic romance deeply unfair to author and subgenre during this time.
4. Follicular phase: I am calm, energetic, and focused, ready for something more challenging, like a Jo Beverly, a Laura Kinsale, an SFF, or a Meljean Brook.
I leave you with this tampon commercial, the most complained about advertisement in Australia in 2008 (click here if the video isn’t working for you):
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#1 by Kat on June 9, 2009 - 8:43 pm
I’ve often wondered about this, especially in historicals. But I’m sure I remember a romance, possibly HMB, where the heroine declined sex because she was having her period. I think the hero said something like there are ways around it, but it wasn’t made into a bigger deal.
I also love when a hero is shown to be attuned to the heroine’s cycle and, rather than dismissing her mood swings, actually tries to deal with it with humour and understanding. I’m almost sure I’ve read it at least once in a romance.
BTW, clicking on the tampon ad does weird things. I think the code is broken.
#2 by Ann Somerville on June 9, 2009 - 8:53 pm
Being able to avoid ‘that time of the month’ and all discussions and allusions thereto is one of the considerable advantages to writing m/m
Periods !=sexy. Period.
#3 by azteclady on June 9, 2009 - 9:11 pm
Just an FYI: there’s something funky with the videos, you may want to check how they are linked. Trying to play them takes me to a different screen with “page not found” in it.
Also: I know that in a historical the heroine’s period was given as an excuse to miss a party or some such–of course, the scene was only between women.
#4 by Naomi on June 9, 2009 - 9:57 pm
I can think of two off the top of my head that feature period references not related to pregnancy, incidentally both books I adore and would highly recommend. Mr Impossible by Loretta Chase has the heroine incapacitated for a day or so with cramps and the hero makes her take laudanum, rubs her back etc. Laura Kinsale’s The Shadow and the Star has the heroine awkwardly refuse the hero sexytimes due to her being “ill” but offers him a massage instead.
#5 by Lori on June 9, 2009 - 10:23 pm
Apparently there is such a thing as menstruation pornography. OK… ewwww, just, ewwwww.
Anyway, I’ve read a couple books where the heroine was “happy” to have the excuse of having her period in order to avoid sex. I can recall in Sarah McCarty’s Promises Prevail that the heroine had her period, and the hero didn’t mind or care. It made her “slicker.” An eww moment, but the scene was quite sensual otherwise, and it was a fabulous book.
#6 by Phyl on June 9, 2009 - 10:27 pm
There is a “sequel” to P&P by Linda Berdoll called “Mr Darcy Takes a Wife.” It’s been 4 or 5 years since I read it, but there’s some sex while Lizzie’s having her period and a few other references to her cycles. That’s really the only book that I remember reading that has such a vivid portrayal of mentruation.
Another female condition that gets passed right over is menopause. Obviously the heroine is too young for it, but mothers (and evil step-mothers) abound in romance and only once have I read about a character having a hot flash. Since these days hot flashes R Me I can totally get how dealing with them would turn a woman into a raving lunatic. This is another plot device that I’d love to see us talk about.
#7 by Venus Vaughn on June 9, 2009 - 10:28 pm
I, too, can think of two off the top of my head.
Date With The Devil by Olivia Rupprecht, an old Loveswept novel (I still have the original) where they were stranded on a desert island and he was teaching her about survival (while trying to get in her pants).
She mentions something about even if she was ready to have sex with him, it couldn’t happen because of her period, and he looks at her and says, when she’s ready for sex, a period won’t stop him. I admit, I found it quite erotic at the time. (1991)
The other book, is more up to date. To Trust A Wolf by Kate Steele. It’s a paranormal. The heroine was once married to a man who mocked her and called her names when she wanted to have sex on her period.
The hero, being a wolf in his spare time, has no problem with biology and tell her so. Then shows her as well… The book was short, but I liked Ms Steele’s style and would read her again.
#8 by azteclady on June 9, 2009 - 11:16 pm
Oh I just remember another one! An old Linda Howard, Heart of Fire if memory serves. Somewhere in the Amazon jungle, the hero and heroine finally get to the river and his boat, and when he mentions wanting some sex, she tells him that she is having her period. He says, “so what?” and she says, “so I don’t feel like sex while having my period” and that is that. There’s also some mention to her feeling tired and listless, etc. for the next couple of days.
#9 by Nicola O. on June 10, 2009 - 12:21 am
It’s definitely rare, but not non-existent. I recently read some erotica where the menstruation was mentioned and impacted the sexathon plans, and I’ve also read scenes like the one Lori mentions with the “slicker” factor.
And I wouldn’t swear to it, but I think that one of Sherryl Woods’ trilogies included a mother who was dealing with some menopause symptoms.
All that said? yeah, that’s more realism than I *need* in a romance book.
#10 by heidenkind on June 10, 2009 - 1:33 am
Menstruation pornography? o.O WoW
Very interesting post. This is actually something I’ve never thought that much about. I think I have read a few romances where periods were discussed outside of the whole pregnancy issue, but not that many. Personally, I don’t think about my period that much, so it doesn’t really bother me that’s it not in books that often.
#11 by RfP on June 10, 2009 - 7:55 am
I’ve read quite a few romances that reference menstruation in non-reproductive ways, mostly as an opportunity for the hero to demonstrate that he’s (a) not there only for sex and (b) not turned off by it. There’s also Robin Schone’s Scandalous Lovers, about a 50-ish couple; the heroine is postmenopausal, and lack of lubrication is made much of. Her crisis involves whether being widowed, a grandmother, and past childbearing years means that her romantic and sexual life is over.
#12 by Victoria Janssen on June 10, 2009 - 8:25 am
As noted above, I’ve seen various example of non-pregnancy-related menstruation in romances, but usually those mentions are related to sex.
I have never seen a heroine specifically mentioned to be affected by PMS or by Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, which is perhaps a blessing in historicals, given that she wouldn’t have access to SSRIs or hormonal medications.
Though it would make sense of a lot of “Big Misunderstanding” plots! “Honey, I’m sorry I thought you were trying to kill me. I’m menstruating now, and I realize I was only paranoid yesterday! Let’s get married before I’m pre-menstrual again!”
#13 by Carolyn Crane (CJ) on June 10, 2009 - 9:10 am
Paranormal during the Doritos and red wine phase of the cycle? Grrr!!!!
So funny. I love your calendar and really do relate. Also, what the heck is wrong with that commercial? It’s absolutely delightful! Who was complaining about it? I mean, please. Though it’s funny they chose to put two men at the beach instead of one, considering the metaphor.
#14 by Jennifer B on June 10, 2009 - 10:42 am
Sorry…nothing helpful to add or ponder. But…I’m laughing. Hard.
Thank you for that Jessica! F’ing hilarious.
#15 by Maya M. on June 10, 2009 - 1:41 pm
My CP writes Regency Noir and has a scene with heroine and girlfriend talking about pain/general malaise during. I was impressed, and commented on how it was the first historical I’d come across including this recurring fact of life.
Curiosity about a judge’s menstruation? Juvenile and so last millenium. I do remember being aghast at a news story when I was in high school describing how a French woman successfully used ‘that time of the month’ as a defense in a murder trial. And being cheered up by another news story about how women at all stages of menstruation cycle went on to medal and set world records in their respective discliplines (i.e. proved that menstruation didn’t ‘lessen’ their performance).
#16 by Daisy on June 10, 2009 - 3:34 pm
I seem to have it in my mind that there are several romances that I have read with heroines declining sex because of menstrating, or heros counting days until they can have sex because of menstrating. Now coming up with titles? That would be a whole nother issue. I remember couples names, facts in the books and timelines – titles and authors, not so much.
The lack of menstral discussions in romance novels (or others for that matter) doesn’t bother me much. As someone else said, I don’t give my own period much thought beyond the days that it is actually an issue, why would I care about a heroines?
#17 by Laura Vivanco on June 10, 2009 - 5:01 pm
I know there was a theory (though I have no idea if there’s any scientific basis to it) that women living in close proximity might tend to end up with their menstrual cycles in synch. Perhaps there’s some similar phenomenon which affects internet conversations: periods are also being discussed at All About Romance and the Smart Bitches.
I do recall one romance in which the heroine has such bad period pains that she collapses in the gardens and has to be carried back into the house. It’s The Veiled Bride by Elizabeth Bailey. It does affect the plot, because she and the hero hadn’t consummated their marriage at that point and her period is so heavy there’s a suspicion raised in the hero’s mind that she’s miscarried.
#18 by Bookwormom on June 10, 2009 - 7:18 pm
A third is the feminist interpretation: romance writers and readers refused to be defined by their mentrual cycles. Periods are as relevant to heroines’ characters and actions as having allergies. If it works for the story (i.e. the pregnancy plot point) use it, if not don’t. Just like any other bodily condition.
Personally, I vote for this one. I don’t pay much attention to menstrual issues in books unless it’s supposed to be relevant to the plot- and then it had better be well done. Otherwise, I say leave it out.
~Amanda
#19 by willaful on June 10, 2009 - 7:37 pm
Victoria Janssen wrote:
I think you really have something there!
Jo Beverley is an author who doesn’t shy away from the subject of menstruation. It comes up in both Forbidden Magic and The Rogue’s Return and probably others. And I have run into some books in which sexxing still goes on. I should start making notes, because this came up on the AAR board a while ago, too.
Far more absent from my reading is anything negative about pregnancy, other than some obligatory morning sickness. Heroines are just about always rarin’ to go, no matter how uncomfortable or nauseated they are. I, on the other hand, could not kiss or even watch people kissing while pregnant, without wanting to hurl.
#20 by Kaetrin on June 11, 2009 - 12:53 am
One of Lucy Monroe’s category romances – I’m going to say it was The Scorsellini Marriage Bargain (?spelling) – but that might not be quite right – it was the 3rd in a trilogy anyway.
The plot was that the girl was married to the heir to the throne and needed heirs (of course). They had a marriage of convenience (or so she thinks…) and she has really bad endometriosis and has been told that it will be nigh on impossible for her to have kiddies. She tells hubby she needs a divorce and they have to work their way through Teh Big Misunderstanding to what’s really going on.
The very best scene in it is where she is having her period – Day 1 and super dooper bad given her medical condition. She takes massive drugs and conks out – only to wake up in incredible pain and having “flooded” the bed. Hubby walks in and freaks out – to cut a long story short (it is a really good read – I highly recommend taking in the full version), after being convinced not to call am ambulance, he takes her into the fancy shower and holds her and washes her off too. He keeps her under the shower until she’s feeling better and then he he sits with her in their whirlpool (presumably there’s no blood in this bit), helps her get a new pad, gives her more of the good drugs etc and during this time, Teh Big Reveal occurs (naturellement).
I love a good hero/rescue scene and this one really did it for me. There was no squeamishness – he just wants to help her – at first he thinks she’s dying – and then he’s right THERE – in the zone.
Because of the premise, it has a lot of stuff about menstruation – how it was painful for her to have sex with him sometimes – how he thought she wasn’t interested in him anymore because she put him off.
The only thing I didn’t like about it is that she has IVF at the end and it’s one of those Disney moments – so not true in my experience and it made me a little mad.
But, apart from that – and it’s only a couple of pages at the very end which I skip when I re-read), it’s a really good book. And, all about the period!!!
#21 by Sherry Thomas on June 11, 2009 - 1:51 am
I’ve never experienced PMS. My moods swing according to the time of the day, never the day of the month.
I had no idea that I was supposed to retain water at some point in my cycle until I was in my late twenties, and my OB-GYN told me that this particular pill he was prescibing me would reduce the water retention.
I know that menstruation is a difficult time of the month for many women–a beloved friend used to vomit every time because the pain was so terrible. But sometimes, given the way periods are portrayed in pop culture, I wonder if I’m the only woman alive who is hardly at all affected by it, physically and emotionally, beyond the obvious inconveniences.
#22 by Janine on June 11, 2009 - 2:53 am
Janet Mullany’s books can be earthy. Dedication (a traditional regency!) has a scene in which all the women in a household (I want to say the heroine’s household, but I’m no longer sure) are having period cramps at the same time, and laundering rags for their personal use.
In her erotic romance Forbidden Shores (written under the name Jane Lockwood), the hero and heroine are sharing a cabin on board a ship when she gets her period, and I think he helps ease her cramps, but I no longer remember if that involved sex, massage, or both.
#23 by azteclady on June 11, 2009 - 7:42 am
Ms Thomas, I would hate you heartily for that… but I was exactly like that until I was almost 40, so I really can’t
Of course, *now* I’m paying for it. (Moral: enjoy it while you have it!)
#24 by Jessica on June 11, 2009 - 7:47 am
Wow, I was sure no one was going to comment at all on this post. Thanks to everyone for the references and reflections.
Kat wrote:
I agree with you.
Ann Somerville wrote:
Never thought of this as one of the advantages of m/m writing. But I also never realized that tampon sucking was a fetish. Thanks google images!
Naomi wrote:
Shame on me. Not only have I read both of those but they are two of my favorites authors. Thank you!
Lori wrote:
Thanks for the reference! One of the first “romances I I read was Endless Love, and one of the things I recall most about it was the hero giving oral sex to the heroine during her period.
Phyl wrote:
I agree! I think TMT did a post on a Charlotte Lamb heroine who was menopausal. And that stupid Gordon Liddy probably doesn;t even realize a 53 year old woman like Sotomayor is a bit old to be having period anyway!
RfP wrote:
Yeah, clearly, although it is not the norm, it gets mentioned more than my post gives credit for. And thanks for the mention of Schone.
Victoria Janssen wrote:
LOL! Honestly? That would be a more realistic explanation for BM’s than the ones we usually get. I’ll take it!
Daisy wrote:
Daisy (and Nicola) I feel this way most of the time, too.
Laura Vivanco wrote:
LOL! Thanks for the links. I hadn’t seen those.
willaful wrote:
I agree with your first two sentences. As to the third, when they are feeling well, many women do find pregnancy a very sexy times, indeed.
Kaetrin wrote:
Thanks for sharing this. This sounds very unusual and interesting!
Sherry Thomas wrote:
You’re right. I tried not to repeat this error in my post. Many women only know they are menstruating by the blood. They have no other symptoms. And they are no less fertile, womanly, or anything else because of it (just lucky, actually)!
Janine wrote:
Wow, I am surprised to see of in a Regency! Thanks for the reference.
#25 by RfP on June 11, 2009 - 8:50 am
Kaetrin wrote:
I’d forgotten that. Lucy Monroe’s Blackmailed Into Marriage (the vaginismus story) was one of the romances discussed in a 2007 Macleans article. Which prompted some discussion on sexual health in romances and some assertions that such topics are more common in romance than other literature
#26 by Catherine on June 11, 2009 - 3:27 pm
The only books off the top of my head that I can think of are:
The Gift by Julie Garwood
Mr. Perfect by Linda Howard (she was lying to the hero about it though)
Heart of Fire by Linda Howard
#27 by Janine on June 11, 2009 - 6:10 pm
Well, I think the rags had already been washed and were drying by the fire when they were referred to or shown. But still, it was daring. Dedication was surprising for a regency in a number of ways.
#28 by ReacherFan on June 11, 2009 - 8:36 pm
Day one of my period was always a gory murder mystery or one of those brainless thrillers where the hero is never wrong about who needs to be killed and we have a high body count of evil doers to keep my bloodlust at bay. I usually reserved books about serial killers or other suitably gruesome murders for ‘those’ days. I always felt it helped keep the guys who worked for me safe.
The Mr Perfect scenes are great.
Especially when she gets caught in the lie.
I must admit, I commented on several book reviews about intelligent males being unable to count to 28 and realize when they have not be ‘inconvenienced’ by the arrival of the woman’s period. I noticed in the old Amanda Quick books, the hero often knew his wife was preggers before she did by the changes in her body – and the fact that those males apparently still could count to 28. Must be the fault of all that new math stuff.
#29 by Kaetrin on June 11, 2009 - 9:37 pm
Oh ewwwww Jessica! Thanks so much (not!) for the mental images of “tampon sucking”. Oh gross!
As for “Endless Love” – does this have anything to do with the Brooke Shields/Christopher Atkins movie in the 80′s?
@ RfP – I really enjoyed the Blackmailed into Marriage story by Lucy Monroe too actually. (I don’t think her full length novels are as good but I usually pick up her categories).
#30 by JennyME on June 11, 2009 - 11:01 pm
There’s a reference in See Jane Score, by Rachel Gibson. The heroine gets her period and it turns out to be a fairly relevant plot point–the hero brings her some M&M’s and a heating pad and it shows that their relationship is getting more intimate because he spends the night even though she’s not in the mood for sex.
I seem to recall it being a plot point in a few older historicals, but I can’t remember titles. Something along the lines of “Don’t bother knocking on the door between our bedrooms tonight; I’m indisposed” and the heroine feeling she’d bought herself a few days’ respite from the dreaded husband.
I can’t think of a single romance I’ve read in which the period has an emotional affect on the heroine, although several come to mind when the main character is made weepy and emotional during a pregnancy.
#31 by Margie on June 12, 2009 - 6:11 pm
As to menopause in romance, I remember in All Shook Up by Susan Anderson the heroine’s mother/aunt (?) is going through menopause and has a lot of hot flashes. She doesn’t make a big deal out of it, I don’t think…in any case, it’s a good book.
#32 by EAP on June 12, 2009 - 6:46 pm
Katie MacAlister’s “Improper English” has a bunch of scenes towards the end that are connected with the fact that the heroine (Alix) has her period. Since this happens smack in the middle of the Big not-really-Mis-but-definite-bump-in-the-road-to-lurrve, I’m not sure how much of her crankiness, misery and tendancy to eat chocolate and ice cream were emotional, how much were hormonal, and how much were heroinal (she’s one of those “wacky, sassy” heroines) but she had my complete understanding either way.
The hero doesn’t get out the heating pad/hot water bottle, but he does trot out the line, “I don’t mind if you don’t”. *ahem*
Before that statement leads to any serious emotional scarring, I should quickly add that the scene that follows didn’t take me into the same traumatic period pr0n territory as the links above – although the hero did manage to get the heroine’s endorphines to kick in quite nicely.
Whether it fits into the category where periods are mentioned in the context of not being pregnant, or even whether the period drives the plot could be debated. I’d say at least some of her behaviour in the days before could be attributed to PMT, but the book doesn’t state this, and it’s hard to call, given the “wacky, sassy” tendancies of the average KMcA heroine.
BTW, I remember in this much detail because I just finished reading this book last night. Synchronicity is indeed a wonderful thing.
Speaking of which, regarding Laura V’s theory – I don’t know if there’s any scientific explanation for it, but whenever I’ve lived with menstruating women for a while (about 2-3 months usually), it does seem that we all begin to start closer and closer together (except for women who are on the pill). Good in some ways, terrifying in others. I learned quickly to always have on hand a spare hot water bottle and enough ibuprofen to knock out a horse.
#33 by Tumperkin on June 13, 2009 - 2:19 pm
I think I’ve read quite a few historicals in which there are passing references to the heroine avoiding the marriage bed because of having her ‘courses’. Most recently in Secrets of Surrender by Madeline Hunter. It’s true, however, that I’ve read very few in which The Curse is shown in all its dreadful splendour. And that’s fine with me. It’s a bore in real life and I’ve no wish to read about it in fiction -unless it’s advancing the story.
#34 by Jessica on June 14, 2009 - 7:03 am
RfP wrote:
Oh, thank you for that link!
@ Catherine:
thank you Catherine!
ReacherFan wrote:
The symbolism! And yes, the new math is at fault for most social ills.
Kaetrin wrote:
I thought it was like cooties — if I gave the image to you, my brain would be wiped clean of it.
But yes, that’s the movie based on the well reviewed book of the same name by Scott Spencer, which made a huge impression on me. It was told from David’s perspective. Today, when I realize Jade was 15 and David only 17, I can’t believe some of those sex scenes.
JennyME wrote:
Thanks Jenny! And I agree with your sense of things.
EAP wrote:
Thank you for the discussion of Improper English! And I just learned, having been for my annual checkup (and mammogram, ugh), that the two Advils I take are considered near-placebo doses. I said, “But that’s the recommended dosage on the label!” and my doc looked at me like I was daft. I was told to take at least 3 and 4 if I really needed it. Who knew?
Tumperkin wrote:
“Dreadful splendour”, good one. I think that’s where I come down on the issue, too.