youre_invited_create_your_own_invitation_card-p137937381043037149q6k5_400

Every great performer must take a final bow. Please join us as we bid a fond farewell to some well known conflicts that have provided outstanding support to contemporary romance.

At a black tie reception, co-hosted by the talented authors whose books would not have been possible without them, we will usher into retirement the following methods of keeping our modern couples hundreds of pages away from their HEA:

1. I was hurt once, and will never allow anyone to get close enough to hurt me again.*

(*Vigorous snogging excluded)

2. I am a brutal warrior, too dangerous for your alluring softness.

3. I do love you, but … the person you think I am? In point of fact, I am someone else entirely.

4. I can’t have a relationship right now. I have to work. Really hard.

5. You are so incredibly hot, but there’s an excellent chance you are also a murderer.

6. I am not worthy, because I am poor or because you are wealthy or both. Anyway, tracks are involved.

7. You cheated on me (at least that’s how it looked from behind a tree. 700 feet away. In the rain. Not that I’m telling you about it.).

8. You’re a drop dead gorgeous bachelor stud, and I — while my nipples pebble with the best of them (honestly, they could cut glass) — am not.

9. We’re really good friends. That’s no way to build a relationship!!

10. We can’t be together because… I’m not sure, actually. I am dumb as a rock.

afga-flexible-oled-prototype

We are also delighted to announce that we will have Parlé-Quinn Publishers on hand to introduce their new line of 21st century conflicts (for flexible OLED e-readers of course):

1. I want to have a baby the natural way, but he insists on IVF and pre-implantation screening.

2. Our courtship has been conducted on Twitter. What if he expects me to use more than 140 characters at a time in conversation?

3. I’d like to make her my wife, but she says she’ll quit her job to raise babies if I do.

4. How can I tell her I’m the geek from high school with a face transplant?

5. The ultimate secret baby: her eggs, his sperm, a gestational surrogate, and two adoptive parents. Who will pay for college?

6. She’s a traditional girl who believes strongly in the old-fashioned threesome. Is there room in her heart for … just one more?

7. Can their happiness survive his knowledge of his true origins: her cloning lab and a skin cell lifted from a really hot model?

8. Can he accept her for who she truly is underneath the neuroenhancers? (Somewhat dim, chronically sleepy, and much less likely to keep her music or closet so well organized)

9. In an envelope-pushing bid to overcome speciesism in the romance genre once and for all…

normal_lovelycouple

Strangers. Stranded on a desert island. Will love blossom?

Disclaimer: This is just a little fantasy of mine. In all seriousness, regular readers know that contemporary is my favorite subgenre of romance, and I have loved books with all of the “retiring” conflicts listed above. But I now really appreciate the fresh yet believable conflict, especially those rooted in well-developed characters. What do you think?

Related posts:

  1. Look! My New Kindle 2.0! Out of the box and reading my first book in under ten minutes. YES!! Here are some blurry (sorry, I...
  2. Stock siblings in romance Have you ever noticed that in romance series featuring male siblings, you can often find the same character types? This...
  3. Manhood Mania: Help Me and Enter to Win! Note: To post or read comments, you have to click the post title. Sorry! I am working on a post...
  4. I’m over at Dear Author Today Head over to Dear Author to read my Letter of Opinion, Romance and the Boundaries of the Self, in which...
  5. Sometimes My Worlds Collide This is NSFW…unless you teach Women’s Studies, in which case it IS work. I just picked up today’s office mail…...
  6. Romance Novels as an “Addiction” I was looking for reviews of Mary Jo Putney’s The Rake, when I found a 2004 AAR Interview with her...