I just read 5 Reasons Romance Novels Aren’t Trashy, by Liz Abinante. I had never heard of BitchBuzz, but some undercover investigation (ok, clicking the About page) revealed that it’s a “privately owned, independent, global women’s lifestyle network”, which shoots for “the happy medium between hardcore feminism and the fluffy, out-of-touch women’s magazines that dominate the internet today.”

I admit I puzzled for a moment over the notion that women’s magazines dominate the internet, but I was excited about finding another romance booster.

In this short piece, Ms. Abinante offers “five great reasons to head on down to the bookstore and pick up a romance novel”.

Now, I’m an attentive reader, so the second sentence, “Don’t look at me like that – they aren’t all bad” prepared me for a qualified endorsement. By the end, I found myself pondering the difference between a qualified endorsement and an unqualified insult.

Consider the 5th reason, “The Writing Is Actually Not That Bad.”

?

And then…

“You have to admit, writing a well crafted sex scene takes an immense literary gift – either that, or a thesaurus of euphemisms.”

You mean, I could write a hot, non-giggle-inducing sex scene if I just surf over to Thesaurus.com? Thanks for the tip!

The 4th reason is simply “Paranormal Romance” which Abinante credits for being less formulaic and having better covers. Anyone who reads across romance subgenres would hesitate to compare them like that. You know I could have you crying blood tears in 3 bad paranormal covers flat.  And what exactly is the relationship between a book and its cover? I know there’s an idiom in there somewhere…

3. “The ability to explore sexual fantasies in a safe atmosphere.”

Unlike pornography, which can sometimes feel overproduced and artificial, reading allows the imagination to wander, and you can experience sexual acts exactly how you desire.

This sentence confused me on so many levels. For one thing, “experiencing sex acts”, involves, um, actually having sex. It’s a slightly different activity from reading, at least the way I do it. But more to the point, lots of romances contain no sex at all (Something tells me Christian inspirational romance authors rarely begin describing their writing with, “unlike pornography…”) . And many women — even women who read romances — enjoy porn. Gasp! Even artificial and overproduced (?) porn.

And then, this…

It may seem like something small and pathetic, but for some women, romance novels are a way for them to express their sexual agency and learn about their own desires and fantasies.

“Small and pathetic”. Abinante has captured my self-image perfectly! Sign me up for that Twibe!

Second, “There’s a little something for everybody.”

Phew. This is fine, and true.

Abinante name checks Discreet Young Gentleman, and I must say the entire post is worth it for a look at this restrained cover. Who knew Wolverine was so into Gambit?

discreet_young_gentleman

Finally,

1. “Sometimes you just need to let go.”

Again, so far so good. Many of the recent major press articles about romance novels refer to the escapist element to explain the genre’s growth in the midst of a recession.

But then, the fine print bites us in the ass again…

Despite their trashy and salacious content, romance novels can be enjoyable reads

Stop. Refer to Abinante’s post’s title. Vaguely recall something from your undergrad logic class about P and not P. Scratch head.

Moving right along…

You can relax, let go, and allow the overly formulaic plot to take over you.

Read that sentence again. Have you ever been subjected to a sentence like that in a romance novel? I rest my case.

In closing, I realize that my view is not shared by everyone who has read Abinante’s “endorsement”:

“This is a great article about the genre. I’ve always said that today’s erotic romance is so post-feminist – emotional erotic content written by women for women. BTW, I’m the editorial director of raveneousromance.com, one of these erotic romance epresses.”

I’ll leave you to decide whether Abinante speaks for you.

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