My Nomination for Who’s Who In America

In my in box today:

It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion in the upcoming 2010 Edition of Who’s Who in America, which is scheduled for publication in October 2009.

To be considered for inclusion in this prestigious publication, you need only provide the requested information by completing our secure and easy-to-use online Biographical Data Form by March 30, 2009.

The information you provide will be evaluated according to the selection standards Marquis Who’s Who has developed over 110 years as the world’s premier biographical publisher. If your data passes our initial screening, we will prepare your biography in Marquis Who’s Who format and send you a pre-publication proof for your verification and approval.

I congratulate you on the achievements that have brought your name to the attention of our editorial committee. We look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Fred Marks
Senior Managing Director
Editorial and Selection Committee

Ok, so rather than fill out their form online, I thought I would simply do it on this blog. If they really want me, they’ll find it.

Dear Mr. Marks,

The following are my top achievements in recent times:

1. Not losing any jewelry

2. Never once walking out of the house in one brown boot and one black boot all winter

3. Not falling down in front of anyone (my dog doesn’t count)

4. Making a gluten free dessert that actually tastes good

5. Not spoon feeding my horrible kitten to my no good puppy

6. Missing children’s school bus (either way) fewer than 2 times

7. Minimal parking tickets and library fines

8. Holding the family record for EA Skate Hall of Meat (most broken bones and bruises)

9. Getting my pathologically morose mail carrier to make small talk

10. Developing a regular flossing habit

These may not look like achievements on the scale of the Nobel Prize or the Pulitzer, but I’m pretty sure I worked just as hard for them.

Thank you. I look forward to hearing from the committee.

Sincerely,

Jessica

PS. Tucker Carlson calls this book the “Hall of Lame”, and it’s the one thing I agree with him about! It’s more an accident than an honor to be “selected”.