It is now 9:00pm and the kitchen is now closed. The kitchen will reopen at 6:00am.
The management is sorry for any inconvenience.
However, OSHA regulations require that the cook’s shift must end at this time.
***
Thank you for your queries.
To address them in order: the kitchen is not open for post dinner snacks, second dessert, or pre-sleep nibbles.
The kitchen is now closed.
***
The management regrets that you are hungry. However, it wishes to note that your dinner plate, when cleared by management, did, in fact, contain food. We regret that this food is now composting instead of being digested by you.
The management also regrets that your brother ate more than you, and is now rubbing his stomach and making exaggerated sounds of satiation. However, it is management policy not to interfere in sibling disputes.
***
Yes, popcorn is considered food.
We regret that you will not have popcorn for your movie. However, to our knowledge, the DVD player runs on electricity, and will function normally even in the absence of popcorn.
Yes, ice cream is considered food.
As is sorbet.
The kitchen is now closed.
***
Please feel free to file your complaints in writing tomorrow.
Yes, we are aware that you do not yet know how to spell the word “starvation”. Perhaps a picture will suffice. A crayon will be provided for this purpose.
***
After careful consideration, management has determined that leftovers are, in fact, considered food.
The kitchen is now closed.
However, on a trial basis, a self service kiosk will remain open for adult customers on the condition that they wash their own glasses, silverware, and dishes.
Should management find dirty dishes in the sink upon reopening, we reserve the right to take civil action against perpetrators, to the fullest extent allowed by law.
***
Yes, the kiosk has been stocked with beer.
***
The kitchen is now closed to all non human customers, fishy, feathered, and furry.
***
The management is deeply sorry for referring to pets as “nonhuman”.
Disciplinary action has been taken, and a translator hired.
To repeat:
Bark, bark, meow, purr, cheep cheep, bark, purr, purr.
However, the kitchen is still closed.
***
Yes, kibble is considered food.
The management is aware that the puppy ate some of the cat food. However, it is against policy to interfere in pet disputes.
Yes, we are aware that this rule may be unenforceable against six legged creatures. However, unenforceability does not negate justifiability.
***
Management respectfully reminds everyone that the following should not be considered alternate sources of nourishment during the period of kitchen closure:
–Bulk food in the basement, items found in the space between the bed and the wall, one’s own nose
–Garbage cans, litter boxes, bird cages, fish bowls
***
Thank you for your cooperation.
Sounds familiar….
Nicola O. wrote:
Glad I am not the only one!
items found in the space between the bed and the wall
You just expect them to WAIT?!? Furred roommate torture, to be sure. You probably don’t allow used tissue snackage either. Cruel, cruel…
Jessa Slade wrote:
Thank you for visiting!
And, no, not even for my adorable puppy will I allow used tissue snackage, or other forms of found food, such as the “yard popsicles” I had to deter him from on this 10 degree morning.