Warning: This Post May Be Triggering for Some Readers

Reading Patricia Gaffney’s To Have and To Hold led me to consider the question of rape in romance. This is more a set of observations than a coherent essay, hence the numbers. Actually, this is a rant, and it’s probably a day late and a dollar short, but if a blogger can’t indulge in bully pulpit blogging from time to time, what’s the point?

0. This post isn’t about any and all rape in fiction. It’s about rape by the hero of the heroine in a romance novel, presented positively, or in such a way that the real harm of rape is minimized or ignored.

1. I spent some time reading online threads about Claiming the Courtesan, and about the Gaffney, and I noticed it’s hard to really have a good discussion about this because of all the red herrings.  So I want to say, in this first bit, that this is NOT about the following: censorship, labeling romance covers, or kicking people out of the genre.

2. Legally defining rape: it is a certain kind of nonconsensual sex. U.S. state laws vary, but generally, intercourse is rape if consent is invalidated because force is used or threatened, or the victim does not have the capacity to consent (either because s/he is drugged, intoxicated, unconscious, a child, or has a mental or physical disability).

3. Morally defining rape: I think there are more cases of immoral coercive sex than the law prohibits (which is not an argument to criminalize them: it’s wrong for a parent to belittle and demean her child, but I’m not advocating that she go to jail for it). The really hard thing is to figure out when persuasion becomes coercion. Using a gun is clearly coercive, but how about a mechanic threatening not to fix a woman’s car on the side of the road on a dark night unless she has sex with him (this is from Wertheimer’s Consent to Sexual Relations)? How about a really persistent seduction, gradually wearing down a woman’s defenses? We know roofies invalidate consent, but how about a few drinks?

I think many romance readers who distinguish “ravishment”, “forced seduction”, and “rape”, are wrestling with this question. I disagree with my fellow readers who think nonconsensual sex is ok sometimes, but have to ask myself what is going on when intelligent women who read romance-rapes are reluctant to label them so. Maybe these romance readers making nuanced moral judgments, rejecting the idea that all nonconsensual sex is equally bad, and maybe there’s something to that. I can’t settle this question for myself right now, but it’s given me a lot to think about.

4. What’s morally wrong with rape? Rape is psychologically and often physically harmful to the victim, both in the short term and long term: it is unjustified harm. Even if the victim is not harmed in those ways, rape is wrong for any number of other reasons, such as: the rapist violates the rights of the victim; fails to respect or give equal due to the victim; the rapist violates the bodily and personal integrity of the victim (this is why most women would prefer to get beaten up than raped), etc.

3. Defending rape in romance:

a) The Sexual Liberty Argument.

By writing coercive sex into romances, writers are providing grist for readers’ ravishment fantasies. We live in an age when sexual freedom is celebrated, and many women have rape fantasies.

b) The “It’s Just Fantasy and Women are Not Stupid” Argument

Women are not children who need to be protected from themselves. They recognize that real rape is bad. Reading abut rape in romance does not give women false beliefs about rape. They know this is fiction, and so it is not harmful.

4. Problems with rape in romance

I agree completely that sexual liberty is good, and I’m not suggesting we take anyone’s ability to write or read rape fantasies away. But the problem with the sexual liberty argument is that it ignores the fact that we live in a society (I sound like George Costanza: “WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY!!!…”) where the genders are not equal, and sexual relations between them reflect this inequality. So, in those conditions, I cannot agree that whatever women prefer is automatically to be celebrated. It’s not accidental that so many women have fantasies of being raped while men have fantasies of raping, is it? [Edited to add: this turns out to be false. See this post on rape as a sexual fantasy. This way of looking at it takes gender completely out of the equation, which is like trying to study segregation without mentioning race.

The more interesting question for me is whether there are some expressions of sexual liberty that may not do much service to women given the society in which we live, where being female or male does actually impact your life in significant and not always just ways. Are there ways that rape in romance encourages the view of women as passive and deserving targets of male sexual aggression?

An example of this attempt to examine this question apart from the reality of gender and real rape is author Jenny Crusie’s comment that writing about a hitman does not encourage readers to become hitmen. Of course not. But the analogy isn’t apt at all. Rape is such a fraught topic for us because it’s a nonconsensual version of something that, when consensual, is universally experienced, and is considered one of the great goods of human existence, physically, mentally, and spiritually. And sex is deeply connected to gender and gender is deeply connected to identity and on and on…  Stories about hitmen don’t resonate with readers the way stories about rape do.

One of the things that I think is potentially harmful about romances which feature rape or ravishment approvingly is the perpetuation of rape myths. Many women and men believe these rape myths — like that if there’s no force, it isn’t rape; if you know or have had prior sexual relations with your attacker, it isn’t rape; if you change your mind mid encounter, it isn’t rape; if you experience physiological arousal, it isn’t rape; if the rapist wants you to enjoy it, is isn’t rape, etc. Studies have shown that rape myth acceptance makes men less likely to see rape as harmful and women less likely to see it as rape.

Do romantic rapes have this effect? This is an empirical question to which I do not have the answer, but it seems worth asking. Who knows? We might find that romanticizing rape actually has positive effects on our understanding of the effects of rape.

What about the argument that women aren’t stupid? That we aren’t going to be affected by what we read? Well, we’re affected by everything, in one way or another, often in ways we are not conscious of. There was a big debate a few years ago when the AMA banned even small gifts from industry to doctors. People used to say “Any physician that can be influenced by a gift of a pen is an idiot.” But then some researchers did some studies, and it turned out that those little gifts were demonstrably influential on physicians’ prescribing practices. I wasn’t too surprised by this, given the billions that Big Pharma pours into these pens, notepads and lunches. They ain’t doing it to be nice.

It is also said (kind of a combo of the two arguments above) that romance just supplies what women want. My initial response is, again, that everything we want is not good for us, and it’s worth asking which things really are good. Both writers and readers have choices. If I were a writer, I would want to ask myself if what I write could potentially be doing its tiny part in shoring up rape myths which create a culture in which rape is more acceptable than it should be, and weigh that against my artistic goals. As a consumer, I, too, have choices to make. I would like those choices to be as informed as possible, and that’s why I think having this discussion — and not unfairly shortcircuiting it with cries of censorship — is important.

But I also think the claim that the market determines what shows up on the shelves is very disingenuous, because the romance publishing community is very vocal and rightly proud about its power and pervasiveness, and about the good it does for women. But when someone wonders about responsibility for writing rape approvingly in romance, some people put their hands up and say “Hey lady, we’re just servants of the reader. Givin’ her what she wants.” As if they are putting a burger on a bun and handing it out the window.

I think this argument undercuts, also, the claim that romance is not worse, artistically, for being genre fiction. Remember when everyone got so mad when Hilzoy at the blog Obsidian Wings said romances are “not books”, but more like Hustler or chocolate? In my view, when some in the romance community refuses to even consider the question of whether some romances can just possibly, possibly, send any negative messages, they come very close to saying something like, “Hey! We’re not doing art here. We’re just having fun! Leave us alone!” So… should romance be taken seriously as a cultural force, and writers be taken seriously as artists  … or not?

I mentioned in my review of Gaffney’s To Have and to Hold that it bothers me when people suggest that the answer is just inserting warnings into reviews or labels on books, that “this book may be triggering for some people”. I know it comes from a place of concern, but here’s how it sounds to me: “Oh, are you squeamish about sexual assault? Poor sensitive you. You might want to stay away from this one. Now excuse us while we go on our merry way.”

What this does is take a host of legitimate concerns and delegitimizes them. It turns them into merely some readers’ personal “ick factor”, like it’s a matter of idiosyncratic personal taste that cannot be accounted for, like Anya’s silly and funny fear of bunnies in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The problem with rape in romance becomes the problem that some sensitive readers just can’t stomach it, and how to help them steer clear of it.

Of course, it is true that some readers cannot stomach it. And that well may be because they have been victims of sexual assault. If 50 million US women a year read at least one romance, and 17 percent of US women experience a rape or attempted rape in their lifetimes … well, you can do the numbers. I think it’s worth asking, what are our responsibilities, if any, to help minimize this crime, and how do we discharge them? While I certainly do not have any answers, it seems to me that everyone in the romance community owes it to these women and to themselves to reflect carefully on the question.

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